Thursday, August 31, 2006

Quiet


If someone is enjoying a breakfast that you think may be a bit much for this time of the morning, Matt and Sam say keep your opinion to yourself.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Balls

Matt and Sam's Rule of Office Ettiquette #214 - you are not permitted to be grumpy about your balls.

Unless they have been treating you poorly.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Soul Suck

Matt and Sam know that sometimes days are long. So long.

We also undertand how it feels to have your soul sucked out because of these long, neverending, rainy afternoons.

On days like this Matt and Sam will allow you curl up under your desk and nap.

Imperative!

Matt and Sam feel that when one is given the opportunity to blog about Pluto one should never pass it up, nor should one wait until the next morning to put up the post.

This only goes for Pluto the planet, not Pluto the cartoon dog.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Hey, cupcake!


If you see a tough guy on the street and you need to speak with him, Matt and Sam say it's okay to refer to him as "Cupcake".

He'll be into it, trust us.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Coolness Defined

Matt and Sam's definition of a cool person: One who has schwag from Google.

Under this definition, we are cool people.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Bussing It


If you're taking the Chinatown bus, don't expect quality service.

But do expect to take many detours, have a grumpy driver, and see chicken nuggets on the floor.

Also, as a bonus, you may get carsick.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Full of Hot Air

Rule #2 of Pie-Hole Shutting:

Matt and Sam say that if you don't know what the hell you're talking about, you should shut your pie hole.

Exception: Politics. Nobody knows what they're talking about here, so if we forced them all to shut their pie-hole we wouldn't have anything to put on the news.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

An Apple A Day

Royal Gala apples are tasty. They're crisp and red, like a good apple should be.

Matt and Sam are eating Royal Gala apples. Get on the boat and eat one too.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Mmmmm Ginger Ale

Matt and Sam find that Ginger Ale perfectly fits the mood of the day, as it is neither Coke, nor Sprite, much as this day is neither good, nor sucky.

We are not affiliated with Schweppes Ginger Ale.

Monday, August 14, 2006

The day, not the Addam's

Monday's suck, so Matt and Sam say that Monday's are the new Wednesday's.

Now you're two days closer to the weekend.

You're welcome.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Plain Good Advice

Matt and Sam have found that when someone tells you to shut your pie-hole, this is a good thing to do.

Especially if you have food in there.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Money Clips are Bullshit


You should have a wallet. Carrying your cash, credit cards, and id around in a money clip is a recipe for disaster.

Matt and Sam have wallets, fat wallets, you should too.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

C-Puffy

Matt and Sam dictate that you shall never pass up a free cream puff when offered.

Remember - licking the remains off your fingers and face is acceptable as long as nobody is watching.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Pasta

Matt and Sam will be having pasta tonight. You should too.

Some options:

Frozen Stuffed Shells
Pierogis
Spaghetti-o's

Monday, August 07, 2006

Limorific!

Matt and Sam's Recipe for an exciting life: Never pass up a limo ride.

You are permitted to pass up strange drinks being offered to you by people offering the ride though.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Whipped Cream is a Must


If you're going to get an ice cream sundae, you have to have it with whipped cream.

It's not an option.

If you must, you can save scoop off your whipped cream, put in a tupperware, and send it to Matt and Sam.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Take 'em All Out

Matt and Sam say: If you're going to get your wisdom teeth removed, take them all out at the same time - nobody wants to go through that shit twice.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

No loans from Pristine.


It may be tempting, but Matt and Sam are sure that the emails from Pristine offering a "pre-approved $100,000 loan" is spam. So, if you get one of these emails, Matt and Sam don't think you should accept her offer.

Not sure why "LESBIAN $$$" is stamped on here.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Mac & Cheese with Hot Dog


It's really hot today, so you shouldn't have anything too heavy or complicated, because that would be too much work. So go make yourself some mac & cheese with a hot dog cut up in it.

The cupcake is optional.

This is where we tell you what to do.

Each day Matt and Sam will grace you with their opinion of various things:
what you should eat for dinner
what event you should attend
what book to read, movie to see
etc.